Best Place to Retire (for Us): Part 1

     B and I sold our family home last summer. We've been living in a one-bedroom condo while we decide where we're going to settle down in retirement. Now we have finally found a destination. We've put in an offer on a house. We'll see if it works out.

     Where is it? Well, be patient and I'll tell you.

     First, I have to explain a little bit about our thinking and how it's affected where we're going -- because the issues we considered in deciding on a retirement home are more relevant to most retirees than the actual destination we chose. Don't you think?

     One issue is that, like a lot of people, we thought we might want to retire someplace different from what we're used to. We love Cape Cod. A lot of people from the Northeast (and some from Canada) make their retirement home on the Cape. We have one friend who lives in Falmouth. But for us, Cape Cod seems too far away from our children, who are in New York, New Jersey, North Carolina and South Carolina. It's a long way for them to come visit -- and a long way for us to go visit them.

     Plus, another issue. Those Massachusetts winters are long and cold and desolate. A few years ago we spent a weekend in November on the Cape. It was beautiful in a stark, lonely kind of way. But stay there for more than a few days, much less the whole winter? I don't think so. My preference would be to retire somewhere that's warmer, not colder.

     I might even consider Florida. I've been going there for a couple of weeks in the winter, for at least the past 15 years. But B does not like Florida. So we're not going to Florida.

     We did not consider the West Coast. B has a sister living in Seattle, and I have a sister in Phoenix. But all our kids, and our friends, are in the East. That's definitely an issue. And besides, we like the rolling farmlands and forested hills of the East better than the stark mountains and empty spaces of the West. We like living in a more settled area, where the towns are close together and even the major cities are not that far away. Currently, we can get to New York City in a little over an hour. Boston in three. Washington, DC, is an easy train ride. We'd like to keep it that way.

     We tested out South Carolina for a month this winter, principally because B has a son -- and now a grandchild! -- who lives in Charleston. I also have a friend in nearby Myrtle Beach.

     B and I both liked the Charleston area . . . as a place to visit. But to live? The city seems small, and it's not near anything else, so there's no other place to go. And there is a lot of traffic. The area is growing like crazy, and the road-building has not kept up with the influx. As B's son reminds us, Charleston is located along three rivers. All the traffic has to go over a few bridges, and they form major bottlenecks. If you want to go anywhere during the week between 7 a.m. and 10 a.m., or 3 to 6 p.m., you're going to get into a traffic jam. It's that simple.

     We also thought about Washington, DC. We like the city. But it's too expensive. We made a couple of visits to Annapolis, MD. It's a nice small city, near Washington, but while Annapolis is not quite as expensive as Washington, it's still too dear for those of us on a fixed income. We don't know anyone who lives there, and we wouldn't necessarily fit in with the Navy men and the resident boating crowd.

     We want to be able to afford the place we're going to live, not just for the next few years, but presumably for the rest of our lives. And I think it's important for any retiree to feel like they're going to fit into their new environment -- and it sure helps if they have family there or at least know someone who lives in the area.

     So anyway, now we've finally decided on a place. But before I tell you, I have to say the whole process makes me think about my car when I was younger. I liked to drive a Saab. It was a practical sedan, with four doors; it was good in the snow, but also had a sporty feel and a little of the European pizzazz. But it doesn't matter why I liked the Saab; the point is, I did. I bought a used Saab in 1976, then a new one in 1978. My wife and I got two more Saabs in the 1980s.

     By 1994 we were ready for a new car. I was sick and tired of fixing my Saabs, which had a well-deserved reputation for not being very reliable. And besides, by then we had two small kids and were looking for something more practical.

     We looked at a Honda Accord and a Ford Explorer and some kind of VW, I forget which model. We also, I must admit, looked at the new Saab. But I was determined . . . it was time for something different.

     So finally, after shopping around for months, we bought a Volvo. A different car. But then I realized, a Volvo was a four-door sedan from Sweden. It was good in the snow, but also had a little bit of a sporty feel and a little European pizzazz. The Volvo was as close to a Saab as you could get, without actually being a Saab.

     So why the story? Because B and I have decided to move to a different place. But in many ways it's very similar to the place we've been living for the past 40 years.

     It's . . . wait! Tune in next time for Part 2, and I'll tell you.

Are You Ready?

     Did you play a prank on someone yesterday, or have one pulled on you? This is the best one that ever happened to me, and so while I wrote about it once before, I'll share it again.

     Around where I live we start playing golf in the beginning of April. It was opening day of the season a few years ago. My friends and I usually play at one of our local public courses, but this year we wanted to get the season off to an especially good start. We decided to travel up the parkway and play at a really nice links course in the country.

     The course is about 40 miles north, or close to an hour's drive. So my friend -- the friend I call Peter -- and I decided to carpool. Now if you knew Peter, you'd know he's a little . . . well, how do I put this? We all love him; he's fun to be around; he's really a great guy who'd do you any favor in a minute. But he's a little quirky, a little unpredictable.

     Just one quick story about Peter. A few years ago, when he was getting a divorce, he decided to take a vacation to Australia. He went by himself. He arrived at the airport and picked up his rental car. Did he want the insurance? Usually you answer "no" to that question, because it's expensive and a rental car is often covered by your credit card or regular car policy. But Peter wasn't even thinking about that, and so just signed on the dotted line.

     He threw his bag in the trunk, got in the car, and drove off the lot onto the highway. Then he remembered he'd put his hotel information in his bag. In the trunk. So he pulled over onto the shoulder of the road. He got out, leaving the door open, went around to the back of the car and opened the trunk. His head was buried in the trunk when . . . WHACK! A pickup truck clipped his open door. The car door went flying off in an explosion of metal and plastic.

     The truck stopped. It was hardly damaged. Peter was fine. But the rental car had a big gaping hole on the driver's side where the door was supposed to be.

     Peter stood there for a moment. Then he shrugged. He got back in the car, turned around and went back to the rental car lot -- not 15 minutes after he'd left. He returned the car and explained what happened. They gave him a new car, and he drove off to enjoy his vacation.

     This could only happen to Peter. So it shouldn't surprise you to know that I told Peter I'd be happy to be the one to drive to the golf course. We arranged to meet at the mall by the parkway. He'd leave his car there; and I'd drive up to the course.

     I pulled into the lot next to Macy's, as we'd agreed. He wasn't there yet. I parked; I looked at my watch; and then I saw Peter drive up. He parked next to me, pulled out his golf bag, and I motioned for him to throw his clubs in my backseat.

     He put in clubs in the back then opened the passenger door and got in. "Sorry I'm a little late," he apologized.

     "No problem," I said.

     "I had to take my medicine this morning."

     "Oh, what medicine?" I asked.

     "Well, have you ever had a colonoscopy?"

     "Yeah, sure."

     "I'm getting my first one tomorrow. So, you know, I had to start the medicine today."

     "The medicine?"

     "Yeah, the stuff that's supposed to get you ready for the procedure. It cleans you out. I wasn't allowed to eat breakfast this morning either. I'm really hungry."

     "Wait a second, Peter . . . you mean the laxative?"

     "Yeah."

     "Peter, don't you know, we'll be on the golf course for four hours. It's an hour drive up there. Another hour back home. We'll be gone for six hours."

     "Yeah. So what?"

     "But . . . have you ever had that stuff before?"

     "No, why?"

     I was breaking into a cold sweat, imagining Peter exploding all over my car. "It makes you go to the bathroom. That's the whole point."

     "Oh, I can hold it. No problem."

     "What do you mean, hold it? You can't hold it!"

     "No, really, I can hold it."

     "Peter, you're . . ."

     Then Peter looked at me. A big smile crossed his face. "April Fool!"

What's Your Retirement Role?

     The obvious difference between working and retirement is that we no longer get up and go to work five days a week. Now we have to fill our own time and structure our own lives.

     We've been working for 30 or even 40 years, raising a family, taking part in the kids' school or sports activities. Our identity is tied up in our jobs and our families, and we’ve gotten used to the routine, the structure, the social life. We had places to go, people to see, and a schedule to keep. Now that we're retired, there's no place for us to go in the morning, and no one who cares whether we get there or not.

     So after we retire we may feel disconnected, like there's no purpose in life, no focus. I had one friend who, for the first few months after he retired, had nothing more to do than go with his wife to the grocery store and follow her up and down the aisles -- until one day she stopped, turned, looked him in the eye and said, "This has got to stop!"

     Retirement is a new stage of life, and we need something to do, especially if we’re retiring at a fairly young age. So what’s the answer? One suggestion I've heard -- and tried to embrace -- is to find a new role, a new identity, a different way to define ourselves.

     So instead of being the lawyer and Little League coach, instead of being the nurse and PTA member, we can find some activity we’ve always wanted to pursue, but never had the time. Or maybe we need to do some research and figure out a role we can take on that uses our expertise and talents, and that suits our interests. That way, when someone asks what you do in retirement, you can answer:  I volunteer at the school, or I’m writing my family history, or I take care of my grandchildren.

     Here are a few examples of retirement roles:

     The Volunteer. Many people find that retirement offers a chance to give back to their community. So they talk to their friends, or attend a meeting of the local service club -- or as I did, turn to Volunteer Match -- to find out what needs are in the community and how we might fit in. We may find ourselves helping seniors with their taxes, or delivering meals on wheels, or helping kids learn how to read -- and making connections in the community that we never had before.

      The Sportsman. One friend of mine liked to hike and camp, so when he retired he set a goal to hike the length of the Appalachian Trail. It took him three years, making three different trips, but he finally did it. Another friend took up pickleball and now teaches lessons at the local recreation center. (She's the one who got me involved, with the result that I busted out my knee, but that's a different story!) My brother-in-law is president of his senior golf league in Florida. It doesn't matter what your sport is, or even how good you are (luckily for my brother-in-law!). What matters is that you enjoy it and make some friends.

Grandparent. According to one study, over 60 percent of retirees cite spending time with grandchildren as a major reason for retiring. Honestly, I don’t know of any better use of your time and talents than helping your children and getting to know your grandchildren. Doesn’t it warm your heart to think that 50 or 70 years from now your grandchildren will recall special moments they shared with you, as they in turn share moments with their grandchildren?

      Traveler. Some people make a bucket list of destinations; others focus on one particular region. My sister is learning Spanish and has made three trips to Spain to walk the Camino de Santiago. Other people like Road Scholar or other cultural organizations. But you don't have to be rich to travel. One friend of mine lives in upstate New York and she's made it her mission to discover the back roads of New England, exploring old factory towns, tracing old stone walls and graveyards, all within a couple of hundred miles of home.

      Craftsperson. I was at a party after Christmas and met an older man from Michigan. "What do you do?" I asked. "I'm a woodworker," he replied confidently. Later, it came out that he had worked in computers. But that's not how he defines himself anymore. He had just finished crafting an oak bed for his daughter, and now he's working on a series of keepsake wooden boxes for his grandchildren, which he plans to give to them next Christmas. Other retirees make glassware or throw pottery or make clothes, and may even sell their wares online or in a local store.

      These are just some ideas. What am I? I'm a Volunteer, and maybe a Sportsman, since I play golf and table tennis and I tried pickleball -- and I just got another idea yesterday. When my knees won't let me get around anymore, I think I'll take up pool.

      So have you found the chance to try something new in retirement, something different, perhaps even unexpected? What do you really like to do, what engages your interest? What is your role in retirement?

How Things Have Changed

     Rita R. Robison on The Survive and Thrive Boomer Guide reports that she has been caught up in the holidays. Holidays? What holidays?

     You mean you don't celebrate national Pi Day? It takes place on March 14 -- after the numerical representation of pie, the ratio of a circle's circumference to its diameter, which is 3.1415926535...

     First celebrated in San Francisco in 1988, it was officially named a national holiday in 2009 by an act of Congress. Robison points out that while there are many ways to mark Pi Day, including eating a piece of pie, the day is not to be confused with National Pie Day which takes place on January 23. So I wonder: If the day is celebrated on 3/14, does the moment of celebration, the equivalent of ringing in the New Year, take place at 1:59 a.m.?

     When we were kids, there was no such thing as National Pi Day. In my family we did celebrate March 15, the Ides of March, the day Caesar was assassinated in 44 BC. But then my dad studied Latin when he was in high school, which meant that all of us kids studied Latin when we got to high school, despite our protestations that Latin is a dead language and nobody speaks it anymore.

     We also, of course, celebrated St. Patrick's Day, since my mother was Irish. Rita Robison, who also has ancestors who hailed from Ireland, gives us some fun tidbits about the Irish in Facts and Figures for St. Patrick's Day. For example, there are 32.7 million Americans who claim Irish ancestry, or more than seven times the entire 4.6 million population of Ireland. The Irish also have a significant impact on our economy as we import some $39 billion worth of goods every year from the Emerald Isle.

     Meanwhile, I cannot let the moment pass without mentioning that March 20, is the first day of spring. The sun will pass directly over the Equator on Monday morning, marking the vernal equinox for the Northern Hemisphere -- and giving us a sign that better days will come!

     But Meryl Baer has something different in mind. She's been doing a lot of traveling lately, and so when a late winter storm blew in to her hometown, she used it as an excuse to enjoy the day at home. In The Wear and When of Pajamas she address the changing fashions in America today and contemplates the problem of proper at-home attire. Curled up on the sofa, wrapped on a blanket, sipping tea and watching old movies, she finally asks the crucial question: What time in the afternoon can I toss away my sweats and change into pajamas?

     On a more serious note, Laura Lee Carter finds that reading James Baldwin, now as an adult as opposed to when we were kids, speaks to us under our present circumstances in the U. S. If you don't remember Baldwin, take a look at a few Great Quotes from James Baldwin that strike Carter as particularly relevant today. They dovetail nicely into some other thoughts she has in When Did I Lose Contact with My Culture? about, well ... the changing role of women, the changing character of the news, and the changing rhetoric of our politicians. 

     Carol Cassera goes on to more personal issues. She reminds us that our parents looked forward to retirement with expectation and longing, but many of us Boomers find it a time to follow a particular calling. She is now starting her own business. A friend who's been watching her prepare asked her why she couldn't just be a "happy retired person." And so she and others respond in Retired, or Not Really, that the idea of retirement has changed in the last generation or two, and it now involves more of a sense of purpose, a desire to contribute, a need to stay active and relevant.

     But that doesn't mean we have to complicate our lives. Kathy Gottberg at SmartLiving 365 has been traveling, and while she's away she asked another blogger to write a post for her (a good way to simplify your blogging life!). This week Nora Hall, who writes about relationships and retirement and is the author of Survive Your Husband's Retirement, offers her perspective on Rightsizing Your Brain Clutter. She offers some advice on how to focus our minds for happiness -- which may be particularly relevant for those of us who have a spouse walking around the house.

     Anyway, to one and all:  Habere bonum diem et bonam fortunam!

What To Do When You're Stuck Inside

     I arrived home in Connecticut after snowbirding for six weeks in Florida and South Carolina, only to find that the worst of winter is not over, and spring is not around the corner. It snowed for 24 hours, leaving us with close to a foot of wintry mix on the ground. The five-day forecast predicts highs in the 30s, and lows dipping into the teens.

The view out my window

     It will be a week from now, the first official day of spring, before the temperature reaches up into the 40s. Well, at least I now live in a condo, where I do not have to be the one shoveling snow!

     In the meantime, I'm stuck inside. So what should I do? I'm reading a book, Nobody's Fool by Richard Russo. But that gets tiresome after a while. So I decided to take a couple of online courses. Maybe you already know about these . . . or maybe you know of others?

     Anyway, last year my daughter recommended to me a Dan Carlin podcast called Blueprint for Armageddon, a series of six podcasts covering World War I. Carlin is a former news reporter and radio host who has a wide-ranging interest in history and has used his easy manner and good presentation skills to produce a whole library podcasts called Hardcore History. Some are stand-alone, one-to-two hour lectures that approach a subject from an unusual point of view. In one he discusses whether the toughness of a people plays a role in history. In another he approaches the discoveries of Magellan as Globalization 1.0.

     I also listened to a series, Wrath of the Khans, on Genghis Khan and the Mongol Empire. And now, this snowy day, I decided to start another series, King of Kings, which covers the rise of the Persian empire in the 7th century BCE and then proceeds to tell the story of Alexander the Great.

     Now Carlin is not an historian, and perhaps academics would be appalled at how he popularizes history. But if you are interested in history and want something to listen to that has a little more substance than the latest Youtube video, I can recommend turning to Hardcore History, whether you're at home in front of your computer, or at the gym pedaling out the miles on your stationary bike. Many of these audio files are free; and they can be accessed on your computer or on your phone as podcasts.

Yale University

     I also recommend another source, Open Yale Courses, that can be entertaining and even a little more academically rigorous. These are lectures recorded at Yale University over the past ten years that allow you to sit in on the various classes, watching and listening to top experts in their field, all for free. And if you're really interested, you can access class notes, do extra readings, solve problem sets and even take final exams.

     I sat through The Civil War and Reconstruction Era, 1845 - 1877, a fascinating look at that period of American history hosted by Dr. David Blight. But the Yale courses go well beyond history to include subjects ranging from African-American Studies and Astronomy to Sociology and Spanish.

     One more suggestion is edx, a compendium of courses from a number of top universities around the world. You have to enroll in the website to take these classes, and I have not yet done that. But if this snow keeps up, I might be spending yet another day or two back in college.